Monday Meme (On Tuesday)

Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares every night for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth?

Absolutely NOT! Nightmares and the anxiety that follow can become pervasive in your life and change you into a different person.

What was the most recent movie that made you cry?

Airforce One (on a DVD)

Would you rather be stranded on an island alone or with someone you hate?

With someone I hate – this would be an opportunity to learn to ask forgiveness and, perhaps, to love him or her.

School Days of Yore

School Days! School Days!
Dear old Golden Rule days!
Reading, and writing and ‘rithmetic!
Called to the tune of a Hickory Stick!
You were my queen in calico!
I was your bashful barefoot beau!
You wrote on my slate, “I love you so!”
When we were a couple of kids!

School started in our area this past week and jogged some memories of my school days.

School days for me would start in August, when the new season’s clothes appeared in the stores – specifically, Rich’s. Mrs. Milligan was the sales associate in the children’s department. We would tell her what we wanted, and then go sit in the fitting room. She would select dresses, blouses, jumpers, socks, undies, slips and other accoutrements. I would try them all on (except the socks and undies), and my Little Gam or my Little Momma would make the final selection. Occasionally everything was sent back and we started over. Most of the time, however, Mrs. Milligan’s taste was perfect, and we selected everything from her selections.

I particularly remember one plaid dress which I abhorred. But back then, one wore what one’s Momma or Grandmomma selected for you without complaint – except I would mutter under my breath about it. I seem to recall that about the 6th time I wore it, I “skinned the cat” on the big bar and managed to catch the hem on a huge nut and bolt and tore out a huge section of the hem and tore a hole in the dress above the hemline. My Little Gam could not repair it. I was smugly but silently pleased about that! Looking back on it, now, however, as I remember it, that plaid was something I would love now! Go figure!

Girls did NOT wear jeans or slacks to school back then! We wore skirts! When it was really cold, however, we wore leggings. Most coats for small girls, and some for taller (older) girls, came with matching leggings. These were not like leotards. They were made of the same material as the coat, sewn into leg-shapes and came down to the ankles with wide elastic bands that went under the feet to keep them from riding up. That meant shedding shoes to remove them. There were zippers up the outer sides from the bottom to the knees, then another zipper on the side (like slacks or a skirt back then). Poor teachers! In the lower grades (K-2), most of us needed some adult help to get out of them! So the first 30 minutes or so of the school day during the winter involved unzipping leggings and getting shoes off and back on. They did keep legs warm, though!

My Little Gam often made some of my clothes. She made my undies for years! I always wanted to do that for my daughter, but being a working Mom made that difficult. I didn’t have much time. And by then it really was cheaper to simply purchase them. SIGH!! I had a 12″ doll and she often would make a similar outfit for the doll from the scraps of making my clothes! It gave me a warm feeling when she did that for me! My daughter has that doll and her clothes, now. My granddaughter wasn’t very interested in dolls. Perhaps a great-granddaughter will find this antique remnant of a different day to be of interest. I hope so. I can only trust that it does not get thrown out. Perhaps it can be donated to a doll museum.

School offered hot lunch or you could bring your own. Lunch was 25 cents a week. Momma would tuck my quarter down my sock and into my shoe so I wouldn’t lose it. Later, she knotted it in a handkerchief. Sometimes I had to ask the teacher to undo the knot. I felt really embarrassed to have to ask her to do that.

In the lower grades, I did not bring my lunch. But about 3rd or 4th grade, I started carrying a lunchbox. I cannot remember what pictures were on the sides, but I do remember the thermos would always smell of sour milk by the end of the day! If I forgot it and left it at school overnight or (horrors!) over the weekend, it would take my Little Gam **hours** to clean it! My Little Gam’s afternoons and evenings were full of washing supper dishes and cleaning my lunchbox and thermos. No wonder she decided, after about a year of me carrying lunches, that I would go back to eating hot lunch at school! I continued to buy lunch through high school.

I do not look back on my school days with happy or even contented nostalgia. I hated my school days – except the actual learning that went on. I had few, if any, friends. The non-friends jeered at and tormented me. I was bullied and ostracized. Perhaps in this age, I would turn on my tormentors, but back then, I simply suffered, kept my head down and tried to do my school work.

Even college and graduate schools were no relief from bullying and tormenting. But, being older, they didn’t affect me as much. I had husband and children who provided my basis for strength.

So the old song about “school days, school days, dear old golden rule days,” arouses very mixed feelings. Very mixed, indeed.

Tips for Dealing With Someone With Chronic Pain

NOTE: I have been trying to reach the author of this wonderful set of tips for permission to publish. My attempts have been in vain. The author is in England, and I would love to hear from her!!

In the meantime, however, I just need to go ahead an publish it. Please take these to heart!

1. People with chronic pain seem unreliable (we can’t even count on ourselves). When feeling better we promise things (and mean it); when in serious pain, we may not even show up. Pain people need the “rubber time” (flexible) found in South Pacific countries and many aboriginal cultures.

2. An action or situation may result in pain several hours – or even days – later. Delayed pain is confusing to people who have never experienced it.

3. Pain can inhibit listening and other communication skills. It’s like having someone shouting at you, or trying to talk with a fire alarm going off in the room. The effect of pain on the mind can seem like attention deficit disorder. So you may have to repeat a request, or write things down for a person with chronic pain. Don’t take it personally, or think that they are stupid.

4. The senses can overload while in pain. For example, noises that wouldn’t normally bother you, seem too much.

5. Patience may seem short. We can’t wait in a long line; can’t wait for a long drawn out conversation.

6. Don’t always ask “how are you” unless you are genuinely prepared to listen – it just points attention inward.

7. Pain can sometimes trigger psychological disabilities (usually very temporary). When in pain, a small task, like changing the laundry from the washer to the dryer, can seem like a huge wall too high to climb over. An hour later the same job may be quite OK. It is sane to be depressed occasionally when you hurt.

8. Pain can come on fairly quickly and unexpectedly. Pain sometimes abates after a short rest. Chronic pain people appear to arrive and fade unpredictably.

9. Knowing where a refuge is, such as a couch, a bed, or comfortable chair, is as important as knowing where a bathroom is. A visit is much more enjoyable if the chronic pain person knows there is a refuge if needed. A person with chronic pain may not want to go anywhere that has no refuge (e.g. no place to sit or lie down).

10. Small acts of kindness can seem like huge acts of mercy to a person in pain. Your offer of a pillow or a cup of tea can be a really big thing to a person who is feeling temporarily helpless in the face of encroaching pain.

11. Not all pain is easy to locate or describe. Sometimes there is a body-wide feeling of discomfort, with hard to describe pains in the entire back, or in both legs, but not in one particular spot you can point to. Our vocabulary for pain is very limited compared to the body’s ability to feel varieties of discomfort.

12. We may not have a good “reason” for the pain. Medical science is still limited in its understanding of pain. Many people have pain that is not yet classified by doctors as an officially recognized disease. That does not reduce the pain, – it only reduces our ability to give it a label, and to have you believe us.

20 Things to Say to an Ill Person

Oftentimes people are told what not to say. This is a great help in giving them an idea of what to say! Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments below. I’d love to hear them!

#1 I don’t know what to say, but I care about you.

#2 I’m going to the grocery, what can I get you?

#3 Do you just need to vent? I’m all ears!

#4 If you need a good cry, I’ve got plenty of tissues and a shoulder.

#5 I really admire how you are handling this. I know its difficult.

#6 I’m bringing dinner Thursday. Do you want lasagna or chicken?

#7 Can I get your kids for a playdate? My kids are bored.

#8 I cant sit still. Got any laundry I can fold?

#9 What can I pray for you about that no one else is praying for?

#10 Can I bring a few friends over to clean your house fast?

#11 I don’t have any idea what you are feeling, but I will always listen.

#12 I saw these flowers and thought they’d cheer you today.

#13 How can our church encourage those with chronic illness?

#14 Tell me what it is really like to be you for a day.

#15 I made too much dinner for our family. Can I bring you some?

#16 You are amazing. How has your illness given you appreciation for life?

#17 Do you want me to come over while you wait for test results? (or go to the doctor’s office with you)

#18 You listen to me better than any other friend. Thanks.

#19 I have Monday free if you need me to run some errands or take you.

#20 Tell me about this God who gets you through one more day?

20 Things NOT to say to a Chronically Ill Person

Kellia over at Kelliaellis’s Blog posted these, and I’m stealing them to get them wider coverage!!

These lists are compliments of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week at www.invisibleillness.com. Get involved in Invisible Illness Week this year during the week of September 14-20, 2009, including the 5-day virtual conference online.

#1 You look so good today!

I disagree with this one. If I’ve expended the energy and the increased pain in my hands and arms to put on make up, than I want people to acknowledge my effort!

#2 You just need to get out of the house more.

#3 If you stop thinking about it, the pain will go away.

#4 You should just pray harder.

#5 You must not want to get better if you won’t try this… <juice, herb, exercise, etc>

#6 When I was your age I didn’t have the luxury of being sick.

#7 You’re sick again?

#8 I wish I could just sit around all day.

Hey! I’m working – running a business – from home, not just sitting around!

#9 No pain, no gain!

#10 I’d be sick too if I saw doctors as much as you do.

#11 I have this juice that is working wonders!

The last time I tried one of these “miracle juice cures,” I broke out in hives and had to use my rescue inhaler! No, thank you!

#12 You must still have sin in your life.

Doesn’t everyone? And my “sin level” is between me and God and my Confessor – you are not my judge!

#13 If you got a job you would have something else to think about.

I have several “jobs,” thankyouverymuch! I run my business, I take care of my husband, who has heart problems, and I am constantly available to about 80 or 100 people who need help on one level or another.

#14 Your illness is caused by stress.

Maybe, maybe not. But it’s interesting that it “runs in the family!” Did we all have uncontrolled stress??

#15 You cannot be in that much pain. Maybe you just want attention…

#16 What have you done to make God so mad at you?

My God doesn’t “get mad” at people and strike them with painful illnesses! We live in a fallen world. There is illness. I struggle and cope as well as I can, as does everyone else with chronic illness.

#17 There are easier ways to get attention.

There sure are! I’m a dynamic and interesting person with a high intellect and sharp observational powers. I don’t need this illness to get attention! I don’t want this! But I have it, and I strive to cope and to NOT impose on others any more than I absolutely must!

#18 It’s not good for your kids to always hear you whining.

They are learning compassion.

#19 When are you going to get rid of that cane?

When I “graduate” to a walker or a wheelchair!

#20 I’m so glad to see you out and about feeling all better.

Out-and-about, yes. But don’t assume I’m feeling “better!” Some things require going out – groceries have to be purchased every 7 – 10 days. there are doctor visits and vet visits and going to attorney offices for case conferences. I must “push” myself to do these, and frequently suffer for days afterward. Pain, stiffness, and overwhelming fatigue are going to take over my life for hours or days afterward. But I do go out, even when I do not feel better!

Thanks, Kellia!

30 Things You May Not Know About My Illness: Fibromyalgia

In honor of Invisible Illness Awareness Week, here’s my contribution to the “30 things” meme. Want to write your own? Copy and paste, then change my responses to yours!

2009 Invisible Illness Week

1. The illness I live with is: fibromyalgia (I’ll mainly focus on this one since I have a few others).

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 1994.

3. But I have had problems attributable to it since: I was about 9.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: managing my fatigue level.

5. Most people assume: I am fine because I don’t look as sick as I am.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: stiffness and pain (not only from the fibromyalgia, but from the Rheumatoid Arthritis that I also have), trying to wake up from the drugs I have to take to sleep, and getting the coffee made when I can’t pick up the milk.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: none – nothing is “real” enough.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: my Dycem – a kind of “sticky” plastic sheeting that can be cut into pieces and used for all kinds of things – like holding jars, opening jars, turning door knobs, etc.

9. The hardest parts about nights are: going to bed so doggone early (8:30-9:00pm) (I need so much sleep it really eats into things I’d like / need to do); getting all my nightly preparations done – teeth brushed, bathroom, put on nightgown, put Ol’ Curmudgeon’s eye drops in his eyes (he just can’t do that), sleep mask on (I use a Hibermate from Australia – has “ear pillows” to help block out some sounds that might keep me awake, and is the most comfortable and effective sleep mask I’ve tried – and I’ve tried a bunch), and rearrange my “pillow piles” (I need to sleep with my feet and legs elevated, and my heat and chest slightly elevated).

10. Each day I take: 31 pills (RX plus vitamins), plus I have a rescue inhaler which I use at the heights of the Spring and Autumn allergy seasons) and a Flonase nasal spray.

11. Regarding alternative treatments: I haven’t found them helpful at all, except for chiropractic, and that will only work under certain circumstances.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: visible – so people would not have so many unfulfillable expectations of me and I wouldn’t have to do quite so much explaining.

13. Regarding working and career: I managed to complete my PhD and start a “new” career in medical software, but within 2 1/2 years had to quit working outside the house. I am very fortunate that my disability occurred after computers, internet and UPS / FedX were all available and I could coordinate things. I changed careers and became a Legal Nurse Consultant. I keep my research skills honed with medical and legal research on the internet for my attorney clients.

14. People would be surprised to know: that I’m in pain nearly every moment of every single day. Although I try not to make a big deal out of it, unless I’m in severe pain or need accommodations to lessen my pain, I don’t always manage it. I have great difficulty managing the fatigue aspects of my fibro, too, often thinking I will be able to do more than I actually can.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: the physical limitations. I used to be a hiker and caver, and loved to go out dancing and for walks and bicycling – and I just can’t do those things at all any more. Rats! In addition, and even more importantly, I am unable to attend Church because of the pain and the fatigue and the stiffness.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness: stay at home so much and be content to do so!.

17. The commercials about my illness: are good to see, but they raise unrealistic expectations – “take a pill and all will be wonderful.” Doesn’t work that way. And a treatment / medication combination that was working well for several months or even years will suddenly stop working. Then my good rheumatologist and internist and I have to search for another treatment / medication combination that will work for a while longer. Also, not all people with fibro can take the medications.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: attending Church and waltzing and doing the swing with my wonderful Ol’ Curmudgeon! Also, doing things with my 12 grandchildren.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: attending Church and going to work.

20. A new hobby I took up after my diagnosis was: woodturning, but now I can’t do that because of the pain and lack of coordination in my hands.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: clean house and cook a really good dinner for my husband.

22. My illness has taught me: that I’m not as independent as I would like to be.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: “But you don’t look sick / disabled!” This is so frustrating! If I say I am, then I am – don’t rub it in. Don’t set so many unrealistic expectations just because I don’t look the way you think I should.

24. But I love it when people: say “Wow, you seem to be doing pretty well in spite of it – you must work hard to do that. good for you!”

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: “The body is a slave, the soul a sovereign, and therefore it is due to Divine mercy when the body is worn out by illness: for thereby the passions are weakened, and a man comes to himself; indeed, bodily illness itself is sometimes caused by the passions.”~*~ St. Seraphim of Sarov, Spiritual Instructions

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: to find others who’ve been through it so you have a support system that understands you on a deep level from the start, and add to that a network of friends, family, whoever to be your support team. and have patience – it will get easier.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: how much I can still do if my attitude is right. And conversely, how little I can do if my attitude is not right.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: (I can only pick one? I have to list a few): take me places when I’m too wiped out or my hands hurt too much to drive. Go to the grocery with me and help load and unload the cart and then stow the groceries in the car. And push me in my wheelchair when I cannot walk. I have to mention my Ol’ Curmudgeon who taught himself to bake bread and to cook all kinds of great dishes (Julia Child, Alton Brown, Emeril, etc) now that I’m unable to cook very often (other than to open and heat a can of soup). And I have to give a big load of thanks to Emmy, my black Lab service dog. Because of her, I’m able to do so much more than I could before she came prancing into my life!

Getting my cane

Getting my cellphone

Bringing me my keys

What can I do for you now, Mom?

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I KNOW the impact it has – and I know many people can do well in spite of illness if they get good information and advice, which Invisible Illness Week is all about!

30. The fact that you have read this list makes me feel: honored, humbled, thankful, lucky, thrilled. Thank you for taking the time!

Momma’s Humor

Back in the early 40’s – mid 60’s, Momma worked for Retail Credit Company (now Equifax). It was among the stuffiest of the stuffy businesses – a national company, well known, well run. Now Momma had at least as wacky a sense of humor, if not wackier, than I have. This is a true story.

One day, back in the 50’s, she went to lunch with her office cohorts. And they got a little giddy telling stories and jokes to each other. On the way to the elevator, Momma started skipping – wearing a very full skirt and ankle-strap platform spike heels, and doing her toneless little tune (“doin-te-de-doin-te-de-doin…”). At the elevator, she whirled around, spreading her full skirt almost up to her waist – only to discover her “friends” had disappeared, and she was face-to-face with – the president and two vice-prexys of RCC! She just grinned and said, “Well, at least my morale is high!” They laughed, and Momma rode up the elevator with the stuffed shirts – chatting and laughing together. Her friends reappeared 3 elevators later and were amazed to find her at her desk just as calm as could be! I HOPE I have inherited her sense of humor!!

Meme for Thursday

Today I’m posting a recipe from my childhood. I started cooking children’s recipes when I was about 7 years old and could reliably follow simple directions well. When you read this, post a recipe from your childhood on your blog. Then post as link to it in the comments of this blog post.

Candle Salad
1 serving

leaf of lettuce
1 pineapple ring
1/2 of a straight banana, peeled and de-stringed
marischino cherry
Mayonnaise to taste

Put the lettuce leaf on a salad plate. Put the pineapple ring on the lettuce leaf in the center of the plate. Take the banana and stand it up on the pineapple ring. Press it down a little so the pineapple ring will support it. Trim the tip off the banana, and press a maraschino cherry on the top of the banana. Dribble mayonnaise down the sides of the banana so it looks like dripping candle wax.

You can serve as a salad or as a dessert!